Food for Thought: Short Reads for Social Skills - Preschoolers & the Playground

 

 

Empowering Kids: Encouraging Healthy Relationships and Improving Social Skills

As a mom of a preschooler, I understand the challenge of juggling roles; a teacher, personal chief,  chauffeur, speech therapist, event planner and coordinator, cleaning staff, toy maker, game inventor, however, they have one crucial thing in common - facilitating healthy relationships. These relationships, whether with neighbors, colleagues, or our own children, are key to a functioning society.
 

In the article "How to Help Kids Navigate Friendships and Peer Relationships" by Tory DeAngelis  (read the article here), Mitch Prinstein, PhD, chief science officer at APA, states that kids who are well-liked by classmates fare better in life. They have a reduced likelihood of adopting aggressive behavior or struggling with low self-confidence. Generally, it's essential to start teaching healthy social skills from toddlerhood. Friendship skills are crucial, in addition to understanding different types of popularity as an extent of being well-liked - those who are popular due to likability versus those due to status-related factors.

To accomplish this successfully, structured or unstructured playdates for preschoolers are an opportunity to  encouraged to take turns, build flexibility, and gain empathy. This allows children to acquire the essential social skills, which helps them make new friends and develop lasting, healthy relationships. As children grow older, the focus of their relationships matures as well. It shifts from sharing items and experiences, to understanding perspectives, encouraging kindness, and fostering empathy in younger children. For tweens and  teens, we should normalize insecurities (because adult may have them too) and encourage our children to value their identity.

Learning to manage conflicts from an early age strengthens children's skills to handle future situations independently. If we, as parent-teacher, continuously play arbitrator, we overlook the opportunities for our children to learn about struggle, negotiation, and conflict resolution - all part and parcel of human relationships. 

In the article "Share...Wait Your Turn...Don't Touch...Playdate Rules That Limit Learning (And What To Try Instead)" by Janet Lansbury (read the article here) points out that struggle as an essential part of socialization. The push-and-pull scenario over a toy tricycle among toddlers may seem like a situation requiring immediate intervention (because we want to be perceived by other parents are as attentive and competent - the type of parents that other parent would let their child socialize with our kid)  but there lies a rich opportunity to nurture conflict resolution skills. I found this point interesting, that when kids are allowed to participate in shared activities and engage in constructive struggle, they not only resolve conflicts independently but also build lasting connections with each other, which is the ultimate goal of playdates, preschool, and social gatherings. As a parent, I thought the advice to just ask the casual question “Do you want me to stop struggles immediately, or give them a chance to work things out?” to be quite helpful.

Lastly, parents (homeschooling or not), it's tempting to lay down strict playground rules to manage conflicts, but the one-size-fits-all rules may not work in all situations. The key is to follow children's interactions, and assess and address each situation individually. This way, we're empowering children with the tools for healthy friendships and giving them the confidence to handle social situations – skills they'll carry into adulthood. Sometimes, our role as parents involves engaging in active coaching rather than passive refereeing. Socialization is messy but necessary, and always allows children a chance to learn, express their feelings, experience real-world consequences, and move on.

It's never too early or too late to start teaching our children these essential social skills. After all, they’ll carry these invaluable tools throughout their lives and use them in every personal, and then professional relationship they build in the future.